This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
