i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
