At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
