I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Randomize
