I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
