I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
