capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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