R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
