nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Randomize
