my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i think i have herpe
just one?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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