I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
