you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
