I want to stick my p in your. b.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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