i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
