my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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