can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
