Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
