So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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