Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
