Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
