im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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