My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
don't judge my taste in strippers
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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