I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
