I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
