Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
