so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
