you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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