oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
