Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
