Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
