i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
