I just threw up on my dentist
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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