i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
