just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
