I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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