why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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