So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
