I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
jump out the window naked night went bad
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
