If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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