Just fell off a train. Bad.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
