Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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