I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
