Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I hope mine doesn't look like that
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
