i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
