Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
