the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
This is my gift to your gina
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
