She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Found the puke drawer
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
