Umm I'm too high to move.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
