yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
