i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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