I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
