I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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