called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
