My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
