he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
