I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
