I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You've changed since you got that strap on
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
